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The Christmas Kids transcript
(In the neighborhood. A man is seen walking toward the viewer.) Man: Welcome my dear viewers to tonight's story. A tale of love, passion. (kids begin throwing snowballs at him) Man: Would you- (more snowballs are thrown) Man: I was just. (more snowballs) Man: Roll the footage already! (intro plays) (Alison, Amber, Edgar, Victoria, Yorba and Nixon are driving through a snowstorm) Amber: I don't get it Edgar, why're we driving with you? Edgar: Because you were too cheap to get tires built for freezing weather. Amber: Hmph. Victoria: Behave yourselves, this is my first Christmas since my, well you get the idea. I want it to be special, and the only way it could happen is if the rest of my family is receptive. Yorba: Isn't it enough my legs are near frozen? Victoria: I told you not to wear jeans out in the cold. Yorba: Do I look like the kind of person who'd wear sweatpants? Victoria: Whatever. I don't want to hear any more complaining, especially when we get to the choir. Alison: Yeah, about that, why do I have to do this? Edgar: Alison, it's special. Christmas season has just begun and it's only going to go up from here, and is this day and age don't you love Christmas anymore? Alison: Almost as much as I love Thanksgiving and Halloween. Edgar: Well look at it like this, at least your friends are in the choir. Alison: And maybe they share my views on the whole thing. (it goes to Enid, Bob, Denise and Colleen) Enid: Now remember Colleen, it's not about how well you sing, it's about being there to show your love for the season. Colleen: Here's the thing, I never learned the words. Kinda nervous. Bob: Just mouth the words. Not like you're going solo. Enid: But seriously Colleen, this is a special time for us. We're seeing family members we haven't seen in a long time, isn't that right Denise? Denise: Yeah... Colleen: I guess it can't be that bad. Bob: Trust me, you're not the only one getting roped into this, I'm sure of it. (it cuts to Cosmo, Tommy, Marie, Lars, Tito, Francis, Luther, Laney and Dolly) Lars: Thanks again for letting us carpool with you Cosmo. Tito: Just goes to show how luxury has nothing on reliability. Lars: I get it dad, come on! Marie: I can't wait for the choir- Dolly: I totally didn't know you liked to sing Marie. Marie: ...To be over. I didn't ask for this. Tommy: Me either, this is so a girly thing. Laney: Go back to church, boy. Luther: Hey Marie, I've got an itch on my back, can you get it? Maire: I can't get anything with these mittens on. Luther: WHY WON'T YOU HELP ME!? (it goes to Kerry, Angela and Pamela) Kerry: We're a few minutes away from your forty-fifth social outing this year. Angela: I don't get it dad, why the heck do I have to do these things? Kerry: Because it's the only way you could get out of the house and find your niche. Angela: Can't you just let me hang out with Tommy and Marie? Kerry: We've been over this, Cosmo's way of raising them is downright evil. Now when we get to that choir you will sing your heart out and like it through to the end. Or you know where you're going. Angela: Hey dad look at the road! Kerry: What? It's plain- (we see the four driving towards one another.) Kerry/Cosmo/Bob: OH NO! Edgar: Hang on! (Edgar swerves and the others follow suit. They go down a hill and land in a parking lot.) Angela: You alright Uncle Kerry? Kerry: Yeah, but I think I'm about to get yelled at. (Cosmo goes to Kerry's window.) Kerry: I know I know, I was just talking to my daughter. Cosmo: Couldn't you just multitask or something? Kerry: It's too late now. Come on we need to get inside. Cosmo: Inside where? We're below the cliffside with no chance of getting back out, we're, we're... holy moly we're actually here. (everyone goes inside. The kids take their places) Announcer: And now, for the Christmas Siren Song from our future upstarts. Alison: Oh yeah we've done this portion before at least. Announcer: Let's hear from the players. Alison: Alison, spry and spunky, but with a mind so funky. Colleen: Colleen, shy, quiet, sometimes sarcastic and don't you forget it. Julie: Julie, a punk with a heart of gold. You hurt the weak, I'll turn you into mold. Jerry: A bug-eyed boy and Jerry's my name, my introduction just tuned lame. Jenny: Jenny's from another planet you see, I'm thankful every day it wasn't Mercury. Sam: Sam, don't like to jam, as a witch I'll stop jerks with a bam! Becky: I'm Becky and I live to help you, until the full moon, I go ARROOO! Emily: I'm Emily, I love a good bash, but treat me wrong and it's you'll I'll mash. (to the audience) Cosmo: I don't remember the introduction being so bad. Ned: *sniff, it's coming out better than the rehearsal... (to the kids) Francis: Whining solves nothing, that's what I say, and the name is Francis, don't lose that today. Ruth: Am I a gator? Who the heck knows? But Ruth is my name, that's how my story goes. Ashley: To heck with the world, what has it done for me? I like company though, for my name's Ashley. Fiona: I can be whatever I want to be, Fiona's my name, and the rest just wait and see. Angela: I'm Angela, for the pain, for the shame, life's no Shangri-La Dante: I'm Dante, that's all you need to know? Wanna know more? Sorry you wanna go? Georgina: I'm Georgina, coming straight out of the fog, I've got words for you all... dog. Phoebe: Phoebe Phoebe Phoebe, of all the people why me? Elizabeth: Lizzie, Eliza, Liz, but Beth is not my biz, but Elizabeth is. Dolly: I'm totally Dolly, and I totally know it. Randall: Taking money will solve nothing, take it from Randall, hear who's currently talking. Tiberius Kurt: The wars in my head make me wanna trek, but just call me Tiberius before I go all bleh. Wayland: I'm ashamed of myself, we've all got out of hand, but before I hang my head know my name is Wayland. Tommy: I'm Tommy, that's all you need to know, can't wait till this ends, I should have never showed. Marie: I'm more of the same, and Marie's my name, I should've passed on this and got all the blame. Mandy: I know one of them, you should know and see, but for now I will tell you that my name is Mandy. (to the audience) Lars: I hope this is just padding. (to the kids) Jupiter: I'm Jupiter, juppa juppa jup, and I never wanna be out of the loopa loopa loop. Selma: I'm her sister, and Selma is my name. I rather be lost in TV or some game. Clifford: Go off a cliff, I can't afford, put it together and you got Clifford. (to the viewers) Cosmo: Let this be the end, we're already getting into the background. (it crossfades to the viewers slumped from boredom.) Announcer: Get ready for the main event! Cosmo: GAH! I'm up I'm up! (the song) Hail to Christmas season, in the town of Belbury. Shinning as bright as a Christmas light, like a fireplace ablaze. From our glistening sidewalks, to our prickly pine trees. To our spic and span ice skating rinks, where all our children graze. Hail to Christmas season, and our whitest snowfall. We will always love Christmas season. Unless it's anywhere within the vicinity of Vermont. Cause that would stink. (the audience claps) Boris: Pssh, and my daughters wanted to flee to Maine. Ned: Mine wanted to go to Mexico. Luther: Heh, wouldn't it be funny if it turns out that this was just one part of what turns out to be a much longer performance? Announcer: And now for a rendition of Frosty the Snow- Cosmo: OKAY THAT'S ENOUGH! (the adults take their kids out of the area.) Victoria: See? That wasn't so bad. Alison: You're right. But now we want something in return. Amber: You're not getting any extra hours before bedtime and we won't waste money on some plastic junk that you'll forget about in a month. Alison: What? No. We just want a little more time to explore the town by ourselves. Laney: Oh that would never do. No telling what would happen to you kids by yourselves. Colleen: If this was the city, which thank goodness it isn't, we'd get it, but this is a community-type village. Besides we've been around before, we should find our way back and we're more than capable of dealing with the lessers. Edgar: Fair enough, I guess if something bad happens to you kids then we could consider that your punishment. Cosmo: Be back by seven thirty, then we'll all go into the town and get Cone Head for dessert. Alison: No problem. (everyone else speaks in agreement) Cosmo: Now if you'll excuse us, we need to go decorate. (the adults and kids part ways) Cosmo: To business. We need trees, eggnog, extravagant decorations, our cars winter proofed and hot chocolate. Oh, and eggnog. Frank: Right, eggnog. Sadie: Real eggnog. Robert: None for me thanks. Vivian: Yer a wimp don'cha know? Robert: I prefer cider. Lars: Ugh, Rob, that's for Autumn. Autumn: I hate cider. Lars: No, it's, oh forget it. Cosmo: Everyone stop! Lars/Robert/Vivian/Autumn: Fine. Cosmo: I know we have all December to prepare, but the sooner we get this done, the sooner we could jump on our off days and enjoy Christmas. Dakota: You have no idea how hard it is for me to travel state to state for every wrestling match. I need a break as much as the rest of my family needs me. Delta: You'll make Artemis and Julie so proud. Bob: And since we're all friends, we could make it happen if we all work together. Ned: Who wants to do what? Tito: We have a card for the tree farm, full access and reservation. Lars: We'll get the biggest trees we could find, well, big enough to fit the standards of a suburban residence. Vivian: Well ah also have a card, I got the nog. Autumn: Me and Robert will handle the hot chocolate. Frank: But me and Vivian are going to the grocery store. Robert: Grocery store hot chocolate is disgusting. We're looking for high quality stuff here. Autumn: Winchell's got the best hot chocolate in town, non processed even. Luther: Does that mean we don't need to get eggnog from the store? Autumn: No, eggnog's best out of the carton. Luther: Me and Laney will rent some accessories from Walstock. Laney: It's your job to pick what you want once we get back. Edgar: The rest of us will go to Walton's and get stuff to winterize our cars. Hanneke: You boys can do that. Us ladies will work on making our respective meals. Luther: Sorry, do you want to handle our positions? Hanneke: What? No. We said we would because we want to. You're not half the women we are when it comes to cooking up a delicious Christmas meal. Laney: Let's not forget the annual Christmas feast. We need to save plenty of room for that. Enid: Luckily the mother-daughter ice-skating contest is coming before that. Can't wait to get some bonding out of it. Dallas: Perhaps me and the girls could do some catching up. Hanneke: At least you're technically better than my niece. Victoria: Before that, when we're done with the other stuff I want to go through town and see the Christmas lights. Amber: I'm with you on that. We have the perfect village for that kind of thing. All these cities boast their crummy lights, big billboards and their shiny balls, we keep it old school, better than Vermont at least. Sadie: I'm from Vermont and even I want to watch it burn to the ground. Jerv: We could make an event out of this, our kids will love it. Preston: As long as we do it before they begin to love some plastic junk they'll surely want to receive. Cosmo: So it's a pact. Let's celebrate with a conga line. (Everyone gets in line.) All: We'll have a merry Christmas! We'll have a Merry Christmas! We'll have a merr- (Cosmo slips on ice and everyone falls, groaning in pain.) Robert: Oh right in the- Delta: My hip! Lars: Why're we so lame? (to the kids. The kids are looking at toys through a shop window.) Alison: It's amazing. Colleen: Yeah, stores with big display windows are becoming less common nowadays. Francis: Where're we on the toys? Julie: I was never much of a toy fan. Only toys I wanted were for Spider-Man and Hulk, but I got those already. Jerry: These stores are full of baloney. They say that some toys are in limited condition, but they always come back in stock. Ashley: How long will I be interested in whatever toy I get? Emily: We're all essentially on good terms, why would we ever want to one up one another? Suzy: You guys are idiots! (Suzy storms off.) Sally: It would be nice to have a toy, but at the same time, I could care less. I'd rather chase butterflies. Colleen: You know Alison, you got me on this a few days back. Alison: Well I don't want to waste my Christmas being some kind of brat over a present I don't really need. I really don't want to get on anyone's bad side. Julie: Anyone being Santa perhaps? Alison: I'm young enough to believe in him. Elizabeth: Believing when it comes to Santa depends on your point of view. Alison: Eh? Amy: Believing he's physically real. Other Zoe: Believing he's real in your heart. Meg: Believing him to be the embodiment of all that's Christmas. Zoe: Or you're like Dolly's mom. Dolly: I'm totally sick of hearing that! Mary: Wait a sec, you're looking for a long haul aren't you? Alison: If I was I'd have a list prepared for you all. Victor: You're bold Alison, real bold. I'd be begging for a Porta-Player, but it turns out my cousin sent me it. Katy: Wait, did you peek? Victor: No, my cousin just sucks at wrapping stuff. The key areas were out in the open. Alison: So we're clear, we don't want whatever we don't need? All: Yeah! Alison: Let's celebrate with a hand stack. (everyone puts their hands in the center, unaware their hands are above a heater.) Alison: Ow my stinkin- Jill: It burns! Francis: Why're we so stupid? (it goes to a montage of the adults prepping for Christmas. At its conclusion everyone clinks a glass of eggnog.) Cosmo: To the greatest friends. Bob: To a man from a state that does cheese better than Vermont. (everyone laughs and drinks) Laney: I hope this was cleansed of any unholy spirits. Cosmo: That's for later in the month. Edgar, how's the winterizing going? Edgar: Well you'll be happy to know that I started with Boris' Plymouth. Now we don't have to compromise for a drive around town. Cosmo: Alright, and now we could check on the progress of those lights! Ned: Now I know why we did Boris' house last. Vivian: Git'yer butts in gear! (everyone goes into the van and they head to town.) Cosmo: Oh that's nice, we've got some red lights for Antonio's Pizzeria. Wait, what's with the rest of the town? Bob: They would've started decorating by now. Who's headlining this year? Cosmo: On the count of three. One, two- All: Kerry. Enid: Before we go mad, let's just find him and calmly assess the- THERE HE IS! OFF WITH HIS HEAD! (the adults follow Kerry, eventually cornering him in an alley.) Kerry: Let me guess, this is about the lack of progress on the decorations right? Cosmo: What's going on? Lights should be on every part of the block by now. Kerry: We're low on funds, we can't afford the extra lighting, let alone the ones we have. Luther: Wait, we don't own our own lights? Laney: That explains the junk mail. Lars: Our money is hardly in short supply. You have to clear the usage of funds through the state legislature. Have you been embezzling funds? Kerry: No I haven't, and the only consequence we could face to not decorating is... heck, what consequence is there? Bob: Of all the holiday scrooges, it had to be you for this year. Cosmo: Kerry, we need those lights up pronto! Not to mention the tree, which itself needs lights among other decorations! We also have the upcoming feast and ice skating competition! And that's just the major events! Kerry: You'll live. The festivals are wringing us all dry. Dallas I don't believe this. You're becoming a monster. Kerry: I've been called a monster many times before, what makes this so different? Bob: You're heading into dangerous territory Kerry. Kerry: And what're you going to do? Beat me up? Send me some nasty messages? I'd make it to tomorrow no matter what. Robert: Is this because you're Jewish? Kerry: ...Excuse me? Robert: You know because of the accent, the derelict, what's happening now. Kerry: I'd set up for Christmas no matter my religious affiliation, but now's not the time. You will all live, and you can quote me on that. (Kerry runs off.) Ned: Well, there goes Christmas. Cosmo: Don't say that. I won't stand for it. Enid: I mean it's not like our festivities will be halted. We could still have Christmas our way in our own homes. Cosmo: Yeah but, it won't be the same. Decorations across the town have always been a constant for me. The dark blue night sky, the old-fashioned stores brought to life through glimmering lights. The snow-caped cars driving by with the people inside hankering for some hot chocolate. (Autumn is seen hurling in a trashcan.) Autumn: Sorry that was too sugary for me. But you do have a point. I don't want to find Christmas spirit just by spending the month at home. Cosmo: So it's agreed. We'll do whatever we could to get Kerry to turn back on his ludicrous ideals. We'll plan as we go, then we'll stop at Cave Barn for dinner since we'll probably be out all night. Enid: What about the kids? Cosmo: We've got plenty of time, seven thirty is a high deadline, and they're pretty resourceful. No matter what happens they'll find a way back to us. Enid: If you say so. (everyone gets into the van and they go.) (to the kids) Alison: It's getting dark already? Colleen: Shouldn't the lights be up by now? Angela: I have an idea, but I think you all oughta know by now. (the teens drive up to them.) Artemis: Hey guys, need a lift back? Alison: No that's okay, we're just looking around, we'll be heading back soon. Britney: You sure? It's getting much darker out here than usual. Mercury: Ya, we'd normally have lights up by now. Colleen: Right? Nixon: You had all be back soon, Santa will have you by the necks. Britney: Wait, you believe in Santa Claus? Nixon: Of course. He encouraged me to be grateful for who I am. (a flashback occurs. A younger Nixon interacts with Santa.) Santa: You're so negative, but at the same time, you've done no bad. Don't be ashamed kid. Godspeed. (out of flashback.) Nixon: And he was too fat to be my dad. Anita: We're going to keep the peace around here. Julie: Huh? Britney: We're going to mess with kids trying to ruin Christmas. You wanna join us? Alison: Nah, we're not looking for any risks tonight. Artemis: Fine by me. Stay safe you guys. Things are bound to get ugly somehow. (the teens drive away.) Alison: Ugly? What could possibly happen to us? We've been good today, we didn't give much of a protest for being in the choir, we didn't beg our parents for toys, we're in the clear as far as we know. (the kids keep walking as a blizzard occurs. The area blanks and the kids continue, happening upon a vast snowy plain) Colleen: I think he also counts days in previous months. (commercial break) Alison: This isn't good. Is there any sign of civilization? Ruth: Nope, neither ahead or back. Ashley: Must've been a heck of a blizzard. Julie: If it was we'd be buried by now. Emily: Where does this leave us? (Alison sees a light ahead.) Alison: That could be something. Follow me everyone! (everyone follows Alison.) (back to the teens. They're throwing eggs at a graffitist.) Britney: Serves you right for spraying on our walls. We've got a contest to win. Mercury: Hey, I need your opinion. Do you think something's wrong with Denise? Britney: Come to think of it, she didn't say anything at all today. Yo Denise, what's wrong? (Denise gives no answer) Artemis: Let me give it a shot. Hey Denise. Denise: Eep! Uh, h-hi Artemis. Artemis: Something bugging you? Denise: N-no, not that I know of. Artemis: Because if there is, you should tell us. You going to be okay? Denise: Yeah, just want a little time. Artemis: No problem. We're here whenever you need us, and don't you forget that. Britney: I think that should cover any idiots who want to screw up our town. Wanna head back? Mercury: Yeah, I'll bet mom's making her hot cocoa right now. Yorba: Can you drop me and Nixon off first, I can't feel my legs anymore. (back to the adults) Autumn: How can we get under Kerry's skin? Cosmo: How's this an issue? All we have to do is hit him where it hurts. His moralistic personality. Bob: Do tell Cosmo: Have any of you seen A Christmas Carol? (everyone speaks about how they haven't) Cosmo: Darn, me either. Give me a few minutes. (A wipe transition occurs.) Cosmo: Well I got nothing. Let's just wing it. Boris: I'll get my guitar. Laney: I'll alert the church. Victoria: Works for me. Edgar: Sounds like a plan. (back to the kids) Alison: Hello? Anyone around? Mom? Santa perhaps? Francis: Forget it, It's hopeless Alison. If someone was here we would've been out of here by now. Alison: At least I'm trying. What else can we do now? Colleen: Well, we could look at the sky. (the kids look to the sky.) Julie: It's so beautiful. Jupiter: I never knew so many colors could be in the sky at once. Alison: I think the snow got us, but we've been good enough to be spared from the worst possible passage. ???: Excuse me. (the kids scream. They see a man behind them.) ???: I saw you walking by. The name's Toby. Alison: Toby. Well I'm Alison, and these are my friends, well-wishers, acquaintances and occasional sparring partners. All: Pleased to meet you. Toby: Come with me, I think you'll like my part of the world. (the kids follow him.) Alison: So where do you live? Toby: Christmas world, where the holidays never end. Colleen: I like your spirit. I think most of our parents would love to meet you. Francis: Belay that, we still have time to fill. Toby: Here we are. Our hub for Christmas beauty, and the best part is, nothing can ruin it. (Elizabeth has a snowball thrown at the back of her head.) Elizabeth: What the heck? Clifford: What? I saw an opportunity and went for it. Toby: I'll bet you have. (to Kerry. He is asleep in bed.) Cosmo: WAKE UP! Kerry: Huh, what!? Cosmo, and everyone else, what're you doing in my house? How'd you get in here? And what're you doing with my mezuzahs? Enid: Call this an intervention. Cosmo: I don't know if you know this Kerry, and we didn't bring it up to show our respect for the Christmas season, but we have a reputation to uphold, and the only way we could do that is if the town is decorated. We're going to lose out to Vermont if we don't decorate, and we will not stand for that! Kerry: You sound selfish. Boris: We may sound selfish, but that's only because it's true. Kerry: Come on guys, get of my back. Dakota: Your back is where we belong, now you come with us or we'll move on to your butt. Kerry: Alright you man children, where do we begin? (a flip transition occurs, with the adults going past it and winding up in town.) Kerry: What? How? How. Cosmo: Come with us Kerry, and see the fruits of your ignorance. (they enter a preschool center.) Boris: Hello children, I've come bearing some serious news. We would love to tell you that the pretty lights, the pretty tree and hte pretty jolly man will come here. But I'm afraid he won't be here this year, he won't be here for a long time. In fact, he won't be here... forever! Kerry: Oh brother... Boris: I know it's hard for you kids to be exposed to deprivation done by a greedy запаздывание. And what better way to quell those frustrations, then with a song. Kerry: What!? Boris: Hush my little children, shut your crying eyes, we've all been plagued by such horrid lies! Just think of sheep! As you fall ashleep. Kerry: Are we done here!? I haven't learned jack. Cosmo: Ah, a wise guy huh? We'll get you yet you... you. (Kerry accidentally drops a cookie. The kids look at him.) Kerry: Oh heck. (the kids pounce on him.) (back to Alison and co.) Toby: As I said, we do anything to preserve a strong sense of holiday spirit. Colleen: You're not going to sing to us, are you? Toby: I hope you're joking. Colleen: Uh Alison, do you have a feeling that something's going to go horribly wrong? Alison: When has anything ever gone right for any of us? For all we know we're not even in the real world anymore, that's how dire things are becoming- Oof! Colleen: What's wrong? (Alison knocks on what she hit.) Alison: Weird, it looks like this extends for miles. (Colleen also knocks.) Colleen: What is this...? (a zoom out reveals that they're in a snow globe. The adults come into view.) Cosmo: See how dark it is out here? Normally we'd have lights to guide us, but I guess someone just didn't want to deliver. Kerry: Yeah yeah yeah, stick a fork in me why don't you? Preston: You're a difficult man, you know that? There must be something we could do to persuade you. Donator: Donate to help the unfortunate. Preston: Something that his close regardless of the time of year. Donator: Help the unfortunate, any amount counts. Preston: Something you can't deny unless you really lack a heart. Donator: Are you interested in- All: SHUT UP! Kerry: Listen, I'm not the Scrooge you make me out to be, don't you find this begging, this stealing, this whining to be kinda hypocritical? Cosmo: It's Christmas, if that little girl could get away with keeping Professor Hinkle's hat at the end just for something personal, same to Santa for letting her get away with it, if that penguin could get away with tortuting that mailman for... something, if it's a crime to want to be rich, then I submit to you that you are indeed, kinda Scroogey. Kerry: I don't need this crap. You could lose an asinine contest, have some humility for once in your lives! I hope your dinner spoils, and the decorations you have on your block catch fire, so you could all sit there in the cold and rue, TILL THE END OF TIME! (Kerry leaves) Cosmo: That's one way to wound someone's pride... (Autumn walks away.) Amber: Autumn? What're you doing? (Autumn throws something against a building before returning to the others.) Frank: Was that your ornament? Autumn: Kerry's probably going to ax the tree decorating this year. *sniff, what's the point of having mine? Victoria: Don't worry, we need to keep our heads clear, oh what the heck (to the kids) Toby: We have ways of dealing with naughty kids. That snowball tosser for example. (Toby takes out a pipe.) Victoria: STUPID KERRY! (Victoria kicks the snow globe and knocks everyone down.) Jupiter: Hey, we're floating! Ruth: What're you talking abo- Oh... (the kids look up and see the ground's far above them. Some of the snow falls on them.) Francis: Something's up. Agreed? Alison: Oh you know it. (to the adults) Cosmo: Okay this isn't so bad, right? We'll just sit in our lavish homes as Vermont takes our prize with their grimy hands- Oh WHY KERRY WHY!? Sadie: Let's just pour ourselves some eggnog and have a nice eternal nap. Jerv: Why don't we simply go on? Amber: Say what? Jerv: I think it would be fair that we preserve the joy of Christmas, we are the staunchest activists for it. Vivian: Were big in numbers, boot are we capab'ul of doing it in one night? Bob: Most of us used to fight ghosts. How hard could it be to do what's multiplied what we did today? Autumn: I'll get the hot chocolate. Luther: I'll restock on eggnog. Bob: I'll get the lights. Preston: Sounds like a plan. (back to Kerry) Kerry: Scroogey am I? I didn't go out of my way to bother them, and suddenly I'm the bad guy. And to think people give my religion flack, it's all backwards I tell you. Backw- (Kerry sees the snow globe.) Kerry: What's this doing out here? (Kerry looks into the snow globe and sees the kids) Kerry: Wait, are those- No, it couldn't be. They have the sense to not be out here this late at night. Pssh, could you imagine? Eh, this'll make for a great bout of conflict with my idiot neighbors. (to the adults) Ned: Okay, I've ball-parked the amount of ground we could cover with our decorations- Sadie: Skip the previews get to the feature. Ned: We'll only cover an eighth of the block, not even that. Delta: Well at least our kids are home. Cosmo: What? My kids aren't back. I figured they might be with... Delta: Oh GEEZ! I CAN'T BELIEVE! Dakota: Mom, relax relax! They're gone but we could find them- Delta: No you don't understand! You see every year we do this decorating contest for seemingly nothing, so we make sure we have the kids home before the sun sets AND THEY DIDN'T COME BACK! Edgar: Ugh, I knew this would pull wool over our eyes, but it doesn't matter it doesn't matter, look, we could find them- Delta: No we can't they would've come back, NOW THEY'RE THE PRIZE! Cosmo: What is the prize we get by the way? I've never seen it. Kerry: Hey guys, here's this snow globe I found on the ground, call it some peace offering or whatever- (Delta snatches it.) Delta: Look at it everyone. Cosmo: It's just a snow globe. Delta: Look inside of it, don't you see the tiny people in it? Dakota: Now that you mention it, I see Cosmo's kids, and... Julie? Delta: Every year we put up a prize against Vermont, the payout is our children. They're seeking any means to keep their farms active. Everyone... our kids are this year's prize. (Cosmo screams and everyone follows suit.) Kerry: Okay okay okay, so I got us into this because I didn't want to dress up as Santa- I mean, because the spirit was running low on my end, how was I supposed to know there was a supernatural side to this contest? Lars: You didn't know? Okay we didn't know either. Level with me Delta, is there anything we could do? Delta: Well, if decorating is out of the question, we could up the other traditions we have. Enid: How about the Christmas feast? Kerry: Yeah... I sorta forgot to fix the fridge... which sorta broke the moment I got the stuff. Laney: Okay... well what about the ice skating- Kerry: Ah... traded the area to a reindeer sanctuary. Bob: Don't tell me, the big tree is also off limits right? Kerry: It's, easy for people to forget the lock freezes. Make it quick. Cosmo: I wouldn't waste even a mere gesture on you. It's not about you not decorating, but the fact that we're a community, and sometimes we have to put aside our views, differences, political orientations, whatever for the better of our community. If you ask me, your lack of care towards everything that happened puts you below even an antagonist from a horror anthology series. (Autumn walks away.) Bob: And I think you really got under Autumn's skin. (The adults follow Autumn. Kerry looks down.) (back to the kids) Alison: Did that happen? Colleen: What the heck's going on? Jupiter: It's as if we were incased in a snow globe for some weird ritual or something. Alison: That sounds about right. Toby: But isn't it great? Now we could celebrate Christmas properly, forever. Colleen: Can proper not involve you? Toby: No not really. (the adults stand in front of a gate.) Cosmo: Anyone have the strength to hop the fence? Autumn: No, it just wouldn't feel right. This is supposed to be special. Tito: You know something? I was one of the first people to put an ornament on this tree when it was erected. I still put the same ornament on the tree every year. Lars: Yeah, I remember putting it on there in your place when you were in prison. Cosmo: You know, I don't care about the decorations anymore. All I really want to do is bring some life to this tree for the year, and I'll leave well enough alone with that. Kerry: Ho ho ho! (the adults turn and see Kerry dressed as Santa) Lars: I don't know what you're trying to pull, but we don't want any part of it. Kerry: You want no part in my redemption? You've all been very good this year, to the kind go the spoils, all of the decorations I could reserve, plus I worked up the courage to dress up as Santa. Cosmo: I don't know what compelled you to put us in that mess in the first place, but I'll let it pass. Delta: If we're all good, let's get the decorating done, if we don't finish by midnight we'll lose the snow globe, and the kids with it. Bob: No problem. We could easily get this done if we all work together. Delta: So let's go fast enough so we don't slip on the ice! (the adults leave to go decorate) (Back to the kids, Toby chases them.) Alison: What have I done to deserve this!? Colleen: Guess Santa isn't as forgiving as he looks. Toby: Renew, purity now! (it goes to a montage of the adults prepping the town for Christmas.) Cosmo: Time, time, how much time do we have left? Delta: Good news, we have five minutes to spare. Cosmo: Great. Delta: Bad news, we're not through here yet. Cosmo: Not great. What's missing? Delta: The tree decorating, but the lock's frozen shut. Ned: This is getting bad fast. (Kerry runs over to the lock. He takes out a hairdryer and uses it on the lock.) Autumn: What're you- (Kerry blows the heat gun on Autumn) Kerry: Skip the sentimentality and bring that tree to life. (The adults rapidly put decorations on the tree.) Cosmo: There, done, our kids are safe! Autumn: Uh... (a cut reveals that Autumn's ornament is still in the alleyway.) Laney: Our kids are at stake, GO GO GO! (Autumn rushes and gets the ornament, rushing back and leaping to get her ornament on the tree. She gets it on at the last second) Cosmo: We did it! Take that dire odds! Bob: Like I said, teamwork. (the adults see the snow globe glowing.) Luther: What's happening now? Jerv: For once, something promising. (the snow globe explodes and the kids come out of it.) Alison: Before you say anything. (the adults hug the kids.) Colleen: Aw mom, dad- Enid: To heck with any punishments, we're just glad you're okay. Edgar: Let's just get you home, you kids must've had a rough night. Alison: Oh you have no idea. Jupiter: Hey, where's that crazy guy? (Selma hears some muffled screams. She lifts her shoe up and sees Toby on the bottom.) Selma: Let's just say he won't be an issue anymore. (everyone returns to their home.) Narrator: To their homes they return, for a reward they deserved to earn. Hot meals for the Slaatskies, giant trees for the Perrinos, Colleen and the Dixons anticipating heavy heavy snows. The Meeks sit by the fire, the Kitrossers thawing their flora, the Dallows blessing the front yard with snow men and angels while Kerry lights a candle on his menorah. The Zams, the Dunnings, the Binders as well, join the others in merriment, as gleeful as a ringing bell. (it's revealed that Jerry was the one doing the narration) Jerry: *coughing* Nailed it. (it goes to Denise, sitting in her living room. Artemis comes to her.) Artemis: Hey Denise. Mind if I sit with you? Denise: Free country. (Artemis sits next to Denise.) Artemis: So... you, like me? (Denise nods.) Denise: I thought you'd be- Artemis: It's okay. I'd love to get to know you better. I'd prefer it if we were friends. Denise: If you want to be friends, I'll be happy with that. Artemis: Merry Christmas. (Artemis messes up Denise's hair. Denise gives a big smile.) (end)